Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Angry That I'm Deaf

Angry That I'm Deaf

I was chilling out and read various blog site.  I found a good blog how I felt about angry that I'm deaf.

I am apology to say bad words to express out my feeling.

I was so fuck angry that I was born deaf.
I was so fuck angry for miscommunication without sign language or lip-reading.
I was so fuck angry for not able to hear with hearing aids which it's not helping for my profound deaf.
I was so fuck angry for learn language delay.
I was so fuck angry for not understand speech.
I was so fuck angry for hearing kids made fun of my speech.
I was so fuck angry at my older hearing cousin was 12 years old molesting me when I was 6 years old to not tell anyone because I can't speak.
I was so fuck hate being Deaf and mute like DUMB!
I was so fuck angry at my old teacher slapped my lips for not correct speech.
I was so fuck angry at my mom refused to believe that I was abuse by teacher.
I was so fuck angry at my parent for not have money to buy me cochlear implant at 7 years old.
I was so fuck angry at my dad told my mom to wait until I get older to make decide to get cochlear implant.
I was so fuck angry and hating myself for being deaf.
I was so fuck angry for not able to speak and hear on phone.
I was so fuck angry for a few cruel Deaf kids made fun of my sign in SEE aka Signed English Exact.
I was so fuck angry for forced to learn ASL by Deaf teachers and students.
I was so fuck angry for Deaf kids corrected me on ASL.
I was so fuck angry for lost my English skill and lip-reading after learned ASL.
I was so fuck angry at hearing and Deaf kids think I'm mental retard!
I was so fuck angry at Deaf teacher's attitude toward my hearing aid made me hearing person.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf teacher for Deaf Studies to teach kids to against oral and cochlear implants.
I was so fuck angry for Deaf kids taught me a curse word in sign language like bad influenced.
I was so fuck angry for Deaf cultures destroyed my family into against hearing family for not learn sign language to comunicate with me.
I was so fuck angry at my hearing family stare at my signing to my Deaf friends.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf kids bullied at me for have Ushers Syndrome.
I was so fuck angry when I found it out that I was diagnosed of Retinitis Pigmentosa after my dad's death.
I was so fuck angry for not able to drive.
I was so fuck angry at my mom for told Deaf prinpical to change my class from Driver education.
I was so fuck angry at my ex Deaf boyfriend cheated at me.
I was so fuck angry at my classmate and roommate stole my cool clothes from my room in the dorm.
I was so fuck angry at classmate set me up cause trouble which I was an innocent girl.
I was so fuck angry for failed ISTEP test 5 times.
I was so fuck angry for not attend to prom that my ex boyfriend dumped me.
I was so fuck angry for not attend to senior trip due to my suspension for fought with girl over stupid mountain dew spilled that I was accident slide mountain dew on the ground.  The stupid girl pushed me. I pushed her back then punched in her face.
I was so fuck angry at my old Class of 2000 sponsor stole my hundreds dollars for senior trip.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf school for gave me wrong High School certificate instead Diploma.
I was so fuck angry at boss for laid off on me from job for my deafness.
I was so fuck angry at ASL interpreter quit work for school which I wasn't finish with study ISTEP or  GED.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf person claimed that I should less social with Deaf community because I wasn't born to ASL or Deaf family.  He think I'm not enough Deaf. I took his word.
I was so fuck angry to learned my third cousin was born deaf and get cochlear implant too early without learn sign language.
I was so fuck angry at my hearing cousins didn't want to learn sign language for communicate with me.
I was so fuck angry for being so isolate from hearing society without have cochlear implant.
I was so fuck angry jealous of deaf babies have cochlear implants without learn sign language.
I was so fuck angry for not able to hear music which is my hearing aids didn't help me hear better.
I was so fuck angry at hearing people made fun of my English grammar was so poor due to my congestive language delayed for not learn listening speak language so early.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf extremist spreading a bullshit misinformation about new technology for cochlear implants.
I was so fuck angry at Agbell members were snotty and unfriendly to me for not speak.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf Oral person said, I am perfect hear and speaking English than you.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf ASL person said, I am perfect ASL sign than you!
I was so fuck angry at Deaf person's sign too fast for me to understand what is the Deaf person said.
I was so fuck angry at hearing people talked bad about disability. 
I was so fuck angry for not see at night.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf people for misinformation about Ushers syndrome can't get pregnant due to vision to blind.
I was so fuck angry at Deaf manager rejected me from job because I has ushers syndrome.  
I was so fuck angry for not have success of life.

I had a long struggling with language for my all life without cochlear implant.  I realized that Deaf is suffering with silence without sound like Deaf Depression.  Deaf school destroyed my life and career.  I will never go to visit to Deaf school ever again!  I decided to get CI to change my life. I am so fuck happy with CI.  If you said I should be proud to be Deaf without sound.  Fuck off! That is my ears not yours!  CI isn't political.  It's personal choice. 

I am so sorry about pissed off with cuss word to express out my feeling. I need to vent out of my anger.   I can't deal with Deaf Extremeist who is against CI.  I can't deal with AGBELL for not support sign languages.   I am so fed up in both Deaf Culture and AGBELL challenge.   I am out of line. 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Deafness vs Deafhood

Deafhood
Deafness

The hearing people never hear of word "Deafhood" mean. The hearing people said Deafhood is not a word in the dictionary. I told them go to wikipedia or go deafhood website. Why I should be consider to be a Deafhood? It mean do not want to fixed or cure by hearing aids or cochlear implants. The hearing aids and cochlear implants are not cure for deafness. It just a tool to hear a sound. The Deafhood made it up by Deaf Culture because refused accept "Deafness or hearing impaired". I agree with hearing people said Deafhood and Deaf Culture are such like Luddite. I don't mean to insult. It's a fact!

Am I happy being DEAF without cochlear implant???

Am I happy being a deafblind?

Am I happy being Deaf-muted?

None of them The Deafhood and Deaf culture are NON-CI user or non Hearing aids user. They are misinformation about CI's success rate. I went to youtube and look around for deaf babies with cochlear implants and saw Deaf people's comments made threat and attack on parents over cochlear implants deaf babies and children. It made me pissed off and clicked dislike on their comments. It's very criticize and hateful of CI. They are so IDIOT, VERY NARROW-MINDED and BLIND!!! That is so sad of them for being sad soundless and doubt about technology for hearing loss. I disagree about Cochlear implant is EVIL! The CI do not eliminated the deaf's right!

I found many word of Vs between.

Deafhood Vs Deafness

Deafhood Foundation Vs Starkey Hearing Foundation

Deafhood Vs Audism

Pro-ASL Vs Pro-CI

Oralism vs Maunalism

Deafness Vs Blindness

Hearing Loss Foundation Vs Deaf Culture Foundation

Cochlear implant Foundation Vs Deafhood Foundation

Deaf School Vs Mainstreaming

Deafhood want to race with other Audism, CI, deafness for victory.

ASL Vs SEE

ASL Vs Spoken Language as an Oral

I don't like to be war in both side. Why is Deaf culture want to be a political?? I don't think Cochlear implant should be political like anti-CI or Anti-SEE or Anti-ASL or Anti-Deafism or Anti-Audism. How about the Anti-Deafblindess or Blindhood vs Blindness? What is the wrong with Deaf people in Deafhood?

Why I should consider to be Blindhood or Deafblindhood?? Am I happy to be deafblind without sight and hear? No. I want to be value my sight and need to be fix. It's my choice to be fix and wait for technology in the process. Go ahead I wanted to get CI to Hear Now then retina surgery later. That is my point about Deafhood between Deafness. I personal don't care about history and non technology in the past. We are in 21 century in the present time. The deaf culture can't change hearing people's choice for deaf children to have cochlear implants. The parents have right to choice for deaf children. How about Blind culture's not allow blind children to have a glasses or surgery to see from the dark? Let blinds children to stay be BLIND. That is not make any sense to me. It's my point!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Stem Cell Pioneers Creating Retinal Patch to Restore Vision

http://www.blindness.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3489%3Astem-cell-pioneers-creating-retinal-patch-to-restore-vision&catid=64%3Amacular-degeneration&Itemid=120

April 5, 2013 – A research team headed by Dr. David Gamm of the University of Wisconsin-Madison is about to take a big step forward in developing a vision-restoring, stem-cell-based therapy for people with advanced retinal diseases. With $900,000 in funding from the Foundation’s Translational Research Acceleration Program (TRAP), the team is constructing a two-layered patch of cells to replace retinal tissue lost from conditions like retinitis pigmentosa and age-related macular degeneration. 

The patch, Dr. Gamm believes, is the best strategy for reconstructing the retina when multiple cell types have succumbed to disease. Building on his previous TRAP-funded research, he is confident that this approach will get him closer to a clinical trial for a human therapy.

“We started our first TRAP grant in 2008 just after induced pluripotent stem cells (iPSCs) — stem cells derived from skin or blood — were first created,” Dr. Gamm explains. “At the time, no one had even shown that iPSCs could be made into retinal cells. We and others have succeeded in doing that. The continuing challenge has been to get the transplanted cells to survive the hostile conditions of the diseased retina, arrange themselves appropriately and make the necessary connections to restore vision. I believe we have the right plan to make tremendous progress toward that goal.” 

Dr. Gamm’s collaborators — Drs. Dennis Clegg, of the University of California, Santa Barbara; James Thomson, of the Morgridge Institute for Research; and Derek Hei, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison — will create a patch consisting of two layers of stem cells. One layer will serve as the precursors to vision-enabling rods and cones, or photoreceptors; once transplanted, they will mature into photoreceptors. The other layer will consist of mature retinal pigment epithelial (RPE) cells, which provide waste disposal and nutrition for photoreceptors. A thin plastic film developed by Dr. Clegg’s group will serve as a structural backbone for the patch. A biodegradable gel will protect the cells and hold the layers together.  

“In many retinal diseases, both RPE and photoreceptors are lost and need to be replaced,” says Dr. Gamm. “We don’t want to transplant an unstructured mix of RPE and photoreceptors, because they aren’t likely to integrate and function properly, especially in a retina that’s suffered significant degeneration. Our patch — a pre-formed structure that better resembles a natural retina — should give the cells a much better chance of surviving and providing vision.” 

Dr. Gamm’s group is also using funds from the Foundation grant to create lines of iPSCs from “super donors,” people whose cells and tissues provide an immune match for a significant percentage of the general public. When properly matched with the recipient, the cells are less likely to be rejected. The team’s goal is to have an “off-the-shelf” iPSC inventory that can be used to create patches for virtually any patient, regardless of the disease or immune system profile. To accomplish this important goal, and benefit the largest number of people possible, Dr. Gamm’s group has partnered with the Madison-based company Cellular Dynamics International and the Waisman Biomanufacturing Facility.

While iPSCs can be derived from each patient on a case-by-case basis, Dr. Gamm says the super-donor solution is technically simpler, less costly and may work just as effectively. His research will help bear out this approach’s feasibility and benefits. 

Dr. Gamm acknowledges that he and his colleagues will learn as much from the research process as its final outcomes. “We’re pushing the envelope by transplanting multiple cells types,” he says. “But along the way, we will answer several important questions: Can we make cells that align correctly with one another? Do they make synapses and hook up to other cells? What is the best way to transplant them, keep them healthy and promote their integration within a diseased retina? It’s not an easy task, but neither was making those first retinal cells from iPSC back in 2008. We reached our goals then, and I am confident we’ll keep moving forward.” 

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It sound like I am able to drive.  I always want to have my own car.  I can drive on my own independence from being a passenger.   I can go anywhere with my car whatever I want.     I'm struggling with my retina disease for long times since I was born.   I have a high hope to cure my blindness to SEE like normal.     

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Listening the music ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬

I'm enjoying to listen the music on my iPod. My husband made a playlists for me to listen with my cochlear implant. I'm learning to listen the music like rhythm and different kind of instrument band. My favorite music is Eneinem, Avril, Jewels, Lady GaGa, Techno, Pink of Floyd, KoRn, Pink, and more. I can't stop listening the music! My dream of my dad's playing on his guitar and singing at band. I'm still have his all old tape cassettes for memories. My mom saved all my dad's tapes for band and W0W0 Radio for me to listen with my CI. I will have my husband to do copy and burn the CD from tape cassettes and allow me to listen my dad's VOICE! I can't wait! I love that facebook's design of Ipod and symbols.

╔═══╗ ♪
║███║ ♫
║ (●) ♫
╚═══╝♪♪

Deaf School & Mainstream between

Deaf School or Mainstream Program


I like the mainstream over Deaf school in the present because of technology. I attended to mainstream for 4 years then 7 years at Deaf school. I went to mainstream for a several month due with interpreter reputation situation.

In my experience and view about Deaf school. I was very miserable at school and dorm. Because the deaf kids were a bullying and picking on me for 7 years. The kids and deaf teachers pushed me to learn ASL and not use SEE and voice. It's made me lack of speech and SEE and learned ASL cause my English turned to poor in writing and typing for communicate with hearing people and can't hear anymore. There don't have a music class at deaf school. But every deaf are enjoying feel the music on their feet, hands to feel beat beat. Some hard of hearing with hearing aids enjoy listen the music in the dorm. School wasn't allow student to have a walkman with CD to listen music and don't take a music class. ISTEP score is very POOR! Many deaf kids got failed from ISTEP and ask them to stay for 5 to 7 years in high school to pass their ISTEP and receive a diploma late. The most alumni received High School certificated because of ISTEP test failed and have a hard to find a job. Many deaf people have a hard time to find job because of their deafness and can't speak language. They using ASL the most of time and have an interpreter with them all the times. The Deaf people like to work at deaf school because of social with deaf of hard of hearing using ASL the most time. And some deaf people are not happy with their life. I learned that deaf people have a mental health problem due to deafness and negative experience in deaf school all life. They have a hard time to find a job because of their depression. They couldn't hear or communicate with hearing through speak language. The hearing people thought Deaf people are deaf muted and not want to communicate with hearing. Because of English grammar is poor because of use ASL. That is why the deaf people's decide to receive CIs to change their life and want to learn speak language, listening, and understand the speech without lipreading, enjoy listen the music, sound environment, socializing with hearing in workplace and schools..


I decided to go back to school and took an ISTEP class in mainstream school in 2002 fall. I met a new CODA ASL interpreter from other state. She got hired for interpreter and work with me at school. I took a English and Math class. I wasn't happy with my interpreter for made an excuse for leave me alone in class without interpreter. She said she have an appointment and act like fake appointment make an excuse to leave class. She think there is boring in class when I was working on worksheets and reading. I'm trying to keep me focus in class. She wasn't happy being freelance for interpreter and not make enough money. She decided to move out of town and got a new job for full time interpreter and left me behind in school without interpreter. I asked to DeafLink for get another interpreter and there have no interpreter available for me. It made me dropped out of school. I wasn't happy with my CODA interpreter had done to me. It made me lost my motivation at school for not have an interpreter. I realized that is not independence for me to have an interpreter in my rest of life because of no CI. I learned that hearing parents made decide for their deaf and hoh children to attend mainstreaming school. The cochlear implants have improve in deaf children in speech therapy, speaking language, and listening. Until they become adult and be own independence to go doctor appointment without need the sign language interpreters in the future. It made me so gulped and nodded my head. That's true. I found the same common sense about Deaf School and Mainstreaming between. It's fact!

I'm support mainstreaming schools for deaf and hard of hearing children and have an interpreters. Because there is the best education program and have improving in spoken language, English skill, listening with digital hearing aids and cochlear implants and allow them to listen the music and play band.

If my parent and I make a decide want to hear with cochlear implant when I was 6. My life would be success in mainstream high school diploma and will able enroll to college and university. I would listen, hear the sound and spoken language. It would help me improve in English, reading, social with hearing in peers like normal school. Also I would take an IEP. I'm not sure about Deaf schools have an IEP.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Cochlear Implant Experience Survey



I got survey from AllDeaf site thread title is Cochlear Implant Experience.  I copied and pasted to my blog to answer the question.  

1. When did you have the surgery to get your cochlear implant? June 12, 2009

2. After you were implanted, how long did it take before you were able to see benefit
from the implant? 3 weeks after surgery and activated in July 7, 2009  heard for first time

3. What situations are best for listening with your implant? quiet in environment, can understand the sound in noise environment, music and TV

4. What situations are hardest for you when listening with your implant? in strange or not familiar communication from foreign speak languages, too many people's chattering in same time

5. What complaints do you have about your cochlear implant? None

6. Do you feel like your cochlear implant has lived up to what your audiologist and/or
surgeon told you it would do?  Yes.  They are awesome audiologist and surgeon.  

7. Do you think you do better with the implant as compared to when you had hearing
aids? I'm growing up with hearing aids since I was 2 years old.  I have no long hear any sound from hearing aids benefit.   I was good candiate for cochlear implant when I was 6 years old.  I supposed to get it but I scared of surgeon and hospital.  My dad had to let me grow up to be older make a decide to get CI.   Finally I got CI at age 27 years old.  I'm still wearing hearing aid on my right ear.  I can hear bilateral with CI and HA.